Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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