nut hugger
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I think my moral compass just broke
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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