I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
