Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
