Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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