It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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