FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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