I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
