Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
how drunk are you?
Several
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
