I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
