I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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