Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
