the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
