You're my little dorito
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
