my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
this is an emotional support booty call
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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