is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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