you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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