i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
