she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
