and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
don't judge my taste in strippers
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
