great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
