Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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