I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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