is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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