the condom got lost in my hair
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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