I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
So I just went to clothing optional bar
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