You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
