i don't like sucking hair
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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