Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Randomize
