In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
COCAINE IS GR8
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
