she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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