When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
