yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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