i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
