Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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