Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
