3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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