I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
