You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
