She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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