i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
