I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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