There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
