Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
