so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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