people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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