I'm eating all of the evidence.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
