this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
God, you're like boner-b-gone
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
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