I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
