I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
