Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
