listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
