First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
