i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
