I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Randomize
