Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I need to wash the frat house off of me
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
