I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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