You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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