i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
