either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
