and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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