i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
