I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
The struggles of a small town man whore
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
