Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
