My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
