My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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