I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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