Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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