I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
