i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize