Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
